A List of My Memory Moments

It is so easy to get caught up in the world around you that you can forget to actually be part of those moments that make up your life, the moments that create memories.  To me, memories are gifts you get to open over and over, reliving the event, reviving the emotions. It terrifies me that I may lose the ability to pull those memories up from the depths of my mind. I watched my grandmother suffer from a severe form of dementia that eventually caused her death. It was awful seeing the light slowly fade, realizing she was slipping from our lives even as her physical form continued to exist. We had to say goodbye a long time before she left this earth. I think about my children and grandchildren enduring the heartache of loosing someone they love a little bit at a time. In the middle of those thoughts I have to tell myself to stop. Stop dwelling on something I can’t control, stop crying, stop letting tears and fears keep me locked up in my own head, stop letting anxiety cloud my mind. It’s a hell of a lot easier said than done but I am pulling out a tried and true therapy tip – make a list. Since I love lists anyway I thought it could be a good start.

  1. Sneaking off with my grandpa to get ice cream
  2. Hugging my mom goodbye when she left me in my college dorm room for the first time
  3. My first kiss
  4. Driving on the interstate for the first time
  5. The first time I saw my husband smile
  6. Holding all three of my children for the first time
  7. Seeing my mom getting to enjoy being a grandmother
  8. Playing tea party
  9. Taking family pictures in the park where my husband and I were married
  10. Seeing my youngest son perform with his college marching band
  11. Meeting each of my 5 grandchildren
  12. Cooking with my nieces
  13. Arguing with my sister about nothing
  14. The view of our backyard – no matter the season
  15. Harvesting food from plants I grew
  16. Funerals – sad but important
  17. Coloring my hair bright blue
  18. Taking Teresa to her prom
  19. The last Christmas we were all together
  20. My grandmother teaching me to play cards
  21. Working on cars with my uncles
  22. The first time my husband told me he loved me

 

This list can’t keep the wolves of anxiety at bay or prevent my memories from being lost if that is my path in life, but right now, the act of simply creating it made me smile and smiles are good.

 

 

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